Small Farm Animals

I have lost S and K’s phone numbers. My emails to them draw a blank and I decide to cold call. Boy, am I glad I did. S has just shot a deer and we have deer steak for dinner. There have been a lot of animals involved with me during this trip – stop right there, you with the perverted mind! I am not talking about escapades with small farm animals! I first saw a skunk in P’s backyard, then I hit one on my way to Salem and he sprayed me. Not me, thankfully, but the outside of my car. I’m glad it’s a rental because I can smell him for weeks after! So, two skunks and a deer so far!

Thursday night is a small send off for me. Folks here seem glad to see me go because they have all come to say good bye and make sure that I am really leaving. There is even a couple that I have never met before. They wish me safe travels and I graciously wish them well in return. Ray likes the way I smell and makes no secret of it. It’s a new feeling for me to have a grown man smelling me up. This is what it must feel like to have a dog!

My argyle vest is quite a hit and I am made fun of for wearing too many layers. “Take off the vest”, the women tell me, “You look hot”. Well, can’t argue with that! But I relent and take off the vest and Steve promptly puts it on. We move upstairs for more dancing where I find that Steve has transformed himself into a beautiful woman. At least, the apparition is wearing my vest. Wow, he looks good and I now regret turning him down last week. But then I spot Steve in the corner sans the vest and heave a sigh of relief - I almost heard the closet doors opening there for a bit!  The vest is very popular and propagates even more before ending up on the floor in the corner. There is even talk of starting a vest club of Corvallis! Nic, the bartender is a friend of mine (as are all bartenders) and she pours me a whopper that keeps me going through the night. Soon it’s time to go and I find that someone has walked away with my jacket. I search high a low but can’t find it. It’s too cold outside to be without a jacket and I finally choose another one that fits me. My apologies to the owner but I come from a warm country and need a jacket, even for the short walk to my hotel.

Friday night is supposed to be a quiet night to let me recoup and pack. But no – I have friends in low places and they have other ideas. After karaoke at the El Prez, we move to P’s house. He has finally bought his new mattress. This one is high tech, he tells us. It’s got memory foam. Oh yeah? This one has a memory and your last one had just stains? And what memories does it retain? That of every backside it’s sees? Hmmm kinky! Now all he needs is mirrors on the ceiling and a video camera in the corner and he’s set.

P says that I have to see JP’s before I leave. He tells me that JP’s the roughest bar in town and that they will run me out because they don’t like people like me. Well, I am about to find out soon enough. JP’s does turn out to be rough but it’s got a DJ and some decent music. We get cut off and a bouncer takes the drinks away from out table. Jo doesn’t like it. “We paid for those” he tells him. “Give us back the drinks or give our money back”. I silently watch, hoping things don’t get ugly. The bouncer is about thrice the size of Jo and there are two of them. But Jo holds his own and they finally return our money and escort us out. One of the bouncers even stays long enough to make sure that we get in a cab and don’t try to slink back inside. Anyway, P has a way of making his words come true. They did run us out of the bar, even though he was more the reason for it than me!

The next morning is brutal. I find P on his knees praying to the porcelain god. I give him a few minutes of privacy and then walk into the bathroom to find him asleep on the floor. I help him back to his memory foam bed! Lunch is in woodburn with the two B’s. The big B has also shot a deer and we have a nice lunch with beer and deer. Finally it’s time to say goodbye and I reluctantly head out to Seattle. A great trip! Au Revoir, Corvallis, until we meet again!